Challenges of living with an eye disease
For many times in my life I feel that I want more than I can do. The one and only strategy to solve this problem is to choose. What do I REALLY want, in art and in life. I’d better focus on one thing, one technique. My body has given me the signals that I needed rest. My eyes are as always my weakest spot especially as the seasons are changing. This year I had a lot of pain in my left (and only good) eye. It’s something that won’t heal easily and it has given me a lot of challenges in my working life, which includes giving art lessons and painting. So, my eyes are really having a hard time and what do I do with my spare energy? Stressing myself out that I need to do more…
Too many things that I need to do
I need to finish a commission painting. I need to plan a series of cards. And, of course, still I need to do the last things on the online workshop. I need to see some friends. I need to make a portrait. And yes, it’s long ago that I made a self portrait too. I need to do an illustration for a project. I need to work out a proper social media plan. I need to clean up my computer and my photos. And so on. I need to choose a direction in my art, just to make this list of things shorter. That’s a good idea. I need to stop some things. Yeah, I need to figure out my own wheel again.
Who knows about the list in my head?
And the worst of all, I need to justify myself for all the plans I have in mind. I feel like I am far behind in the race… but in what race and with whom? As if the world knows about the list of things I need to do. But, actually, I don’t need to at all… Nobody knows what’s in my head – until it comes out in the end.
Insights of a day in the sauna
Breathe in, breathe out. What I need is rest. That’s what I’ve been thinking about yesterday, when I had a day at the wellness centre. I was sitting in the sauna, looked out over the water and saw the reflection of the sun. I saw little waves, little moves of the water and the sauna seemed to go up and down like a boat (it was placed above the river, on wooden poles). Some birds were swimming between the reeds and I felt like I didn’t need anything else for an entire day. O, and of course, having fun and good conversations with. my dear friend.
Making a choice when you feel like you don’t have to choose anymore
For a moment I felt like I didn’t have to choose something at all. I don’t need to paint, I don’t need to eat something, I even don’t need to think about what I’m wearing. I am in the sauna! Yes, making choices is good. But it can also make you feel more distracted from your truth. If you are a thinker, like me, you’d better go with the flow and just start anywhere. If I sit and start to think about what I should do and what I won’t do I am just running circles in my mind and nothing will come out. Having small moments like these can help you get the magic back: you can only make choices when you feel like you don’t have to choose anymore.
With mo plan in mind…
I will go where I will go easily and will – of course – find my difficulties and challenges on the road. But the more I’ll find, the deeper I go in this inner world. With no plan in mind I am… heading for the new things ahead! I trust that to everything there’s a right time.