Today I’ve started with writing ‘Morning Pages’ again. That means: write 3 pages, each morning. I don’t know if I am able to do that each morning, and I don’t want to be too hard for myself. But writing is a very good way to find my voice, my real voice. I have had periods in my life writing morning pages and they could really lead to insights, even while most of the things I wrote were crap.
The first time I wrote morning pages was when I first read ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron. It was a strange period in my life, I just broke up with my partner and I quit the Writing Academy. At that point in my life I was painting already, but that was not my main business. My dream was to publish a children’s book. I thought going to the Writing Academy would help me to reach my goal, but the opposite was true. Most of the things I had to write were things I didn’t love. I had very critical teachers and fellow students. Instead of helping me gain positive feedback, they said I was a bit of a dreamer and feeler, and not much like a ‘thinker’. That would be good, if I have had more self confidence, but I was a bit of a dreamer and a feeler of course… and it led me to the bottom of my creativity, next to a really unhealthy relationship.
Why I tell this? It could be that you are at this point right now. In my time of recovering from this all, I started writing morning pages. I realised I’ve been really cruel to myself. I wanted to be a writer all the time, a perfect one. But everyone was better. I had to say goodbye to those thoughts. Maybe I am not a writer, but at least I write. And I love it! I had to get back to the joy of creating. I set some goals. Not that over 100 pages children’s book, but first some morning pages… And those led me to an idea to create a small illustrated children’s book.
It didn’t have to be good, it had to be fun to do. All the time I worked on this project it surprised me how easy it was for me to paint. I knew that painting was better for me than writing, in a way. After two months I had a result: a small children’s book about a girl and a cat that no one is able to see. After that I was ready to choose a mentor who could help me with writing on my larger project. Still I wrote the morning pages those days.
Most good habits stop as soon as you’re feeling better. But I can really recommend writing morning pages, even when you’re not a writer, but a painter. Having no expectations, no plans… nobody has to read it, there doesn’t need to be a blog about it… You can truly write anything you want and it can offer you many ideas… as long as you don’t expect them! I never tried writing morning pages in a period in my life when I felt really happy, like now. So I am looking forward to what is ahead!