Unless is it’s a good day to work – sun is shining, no wind, good light – I feel an enormous resistance against everything that has to do with creating. I’d rather do all the household stuff, like doing dishes, shopping for groceries and doing some online things that are on my to-do list. Like writing this blogpost. Those things are postponing tactics…It seems, right now, I am not in the mood at all but am just avoiding my inner world.
Why is that? Let’s investigate this a little because I believe it’s still my deepest wish to paint.
But first… My house has to be clean. There’s that exclusive dress I need to buy now. I need to get some exercise. There are too many things going around in my mind to do. And I’m just talking about things in and around the house.
Externally, I can make my list even bigger. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my parents. Ow, and I still need to buy a present for Charlotte for her new home. Maybe I should follow the need to go somewhere. And I need to meet someone, while nobody’s actually waiting for me.
Why do I need to do all those things BEFORE I can start? There must be something underneath.
To be honest, I’m afraid. Not of something in particular, but I’m afraid that I can’t decide which color to use, of whether I’m using all the rules of perspective perfectly, of whether I like what I paint. I’m afraid of all those rushing thoughts in my mind.
But most of all I’m afraid of letting go. And just seeing what happens.
And finally, I pick myself up with all my fears like a wonderful bouquet in my arms. Come on, it’s a still a beautiful day to work on whatever comes up.
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